Having larger-than-life expectations for how our relationships will play out is easy, and sometimes the reality doesn’t match the vision in our minds. On a popular online forum, one person asked others to share hard truths about relationships. Here are some of the top answers.
1. Love Won’t Fix All Your Problems
“Love won’t save deep insecurities or incompatibility,” says one user. Another person adds, “Each person in the relationship needs to be good with themselves and not look to their partner for constant validation.”
2. There’s Not Always a Reason Things End
“You can both do nothing wrong, and it can still end in a disaster,” one comment remarks. Another person adds, “Conversely, just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean it wasn’t a successful relationship. Some things just run their course.”
3. No Matter How Much Chemistry You Have, it Still Takes Work
“No matter how much love, respect, kindness, commitment, and chemistry there is, relationships are hard. It takes an immense amount of effort from all parties to keep a healthy relationship flourishing for the long term. It’s worth it, but it’s definitely hard work,” one comment reads.
No Matter How Much Chemistry You Have, it Still Takes Work
A second person elaborates, “The hard work doesn’t even necessarily have to feel “hard” when it becomes a habit formed out of mutual respect and love for each other on a day-to-day basis. Then when situations happen that are much more stressful/straining, and you do have to work harder, it’s much more successful within the relationship.”
4. Focusing Only on Romantic Relationships Isn’t Enough
As one user says, “Prioritizing romantic relationships over all others is a recipe for disappointment. Make friends, love your family, and care for a pet. Romance isn’t the only or even biggest goal.”
5. You Can’t Be the Only One Putting in Effort
“No matter how hard you work to save it/fix it/change it, if the other person doesn’t do anything, you have to walk away. You have to accept who the person is, not who they could be,” cautions one person.
Another goes on, “Beware of seeing the “potential” in people. Or trying to help, fix or save them.”
6. Love is a Choice, Not a Feeling
“Love is a choice, not a feeling. You will need to choose to continue loving,” says one person.
In agreement, another user states, “You have to choose to love them. After the butterflies and the new relationship stage have passed, you’ve got to make a real commitment to the person. People have flaws and toxic traits, and no one is immune to those. You have to figure out what exactly you’re willing to live with and not run away at the first sign of trouble.”
7. The Workload You Share Won’t Always Be Equal
“A reciprocal relationship doesn’t mean you’ll always split everything right down half. Sometimes your partner might need you to pick up the slack; sometimes, you’ll need some more support yourself. It’s more about knowing to give when you can and ask when you can’t,” says one commenter.
8. You Don’t Need To Be in a Relationship
“They are not a necessity. It will not kill you to be single.” One person states plainly. A second person adds, “When you’re single, you’re basically dating yourself. And if you don’t take care of yourself, you will be a s**t partner.”
9. You Are Responsible for Yourself at the End of the Day
“Every relationship is individual to the people involved, and success and failure depend on everyone involved. If your relationship isn’t working for you or fulfilling for you, it’s your responsibility to communicate about that and decide whether or not it is the right relationship for you. If your relationship is a constant struggle, be honest with yourself that you are choosing that struggle,” reads one comment.
10. Hurting Each Other is Unavoidable
“In reality, no matter how much a person knows you, you will both hurt each other at points. But that’s how you can grow with your partner,” says one person.
They continue, “Once I realized I hurt my partner too, it put a lot in perspective. At the end of the day, we are all human. Everyone has problems. Eventually, you find the person whose problems you’re willing to make yours. You learn to love and care for them the way they need.”
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Inspired by this thread – photos for illustrative purposes only.