A woman posted in a popular online forum asking other women navigating the dating scene to share some things that reveal a person or their significant other, is insecure. Here are some of the top responses.
1. Being Conceited
One woman contributed, “They’re conceited and talk too highly of themselves. It’s always a front.”
Another woman agreed, “Yes, this. Guy I dated had a superiority complex, would slyly put others (and me) down, and was rather judgemental.”
“Consistent self-deprecation. A few offhand jokes are funny, but putting themselves down constantly is a drag,” one woman chimed in.
3. Lack of Drive
One of the most upvoted comments stated, “No drive. Someone who never offers an idea like where or what to eat, what to do, always wants you to make decisions. I don’t mind making decisions, but it’s such a turnoff when I have to make ALL decisions. It’s not hard to sit there and vocalize that you feel like a cheeseburger for dinner.”
A few Redditors mentioned that jealousy and possessiveness indicated insecurity to them.
One woman left a comment saying, “Clingyness/possessiveness. Someone who freaks out if you can’t message all day every day. Or gets defensive when they learn you interact with other people like close friends.”
Another stated, “Not single, but when I was, I always looked out for possessiveness and jealousy, as well as the need to upstage others, or be the star of the room. Screams insecurity to me and problems down the line.”
This woman agreed, “Being possessive, jealous or clingy, particularly early on. People have lives, friends, families and are allowed to want to spend time by themselves too. See also: people who think they can police which genders their partner can be friends with. There’s a perfectly good door over there. Don’t let it hit your ass on the way out.
Many Redittors agreed that constant apologizing screams insecurity. One woman shared, “Constantly apologizing, especially about things that don’t even make sense to do so.”
Another user chimed in, “Lacks confidence, self-deprecation, asks “really?” / “are you sure?” often, apologizes too much.”
6. Being Defensive
One poster explained, “Also, being defensive. When you can’t handle any form of criticism, even something gentle and constructive…big red flag.”
This woman agreed, “Perhaps being too apologetic and too sensitive and defensive and just they admit it right away they are not good enough or they think too highly of themselves.”
7. Giving Back-Handed Compliments
Another woman posted, “Oh, the backhanded compliments, the need to be correct or know more, the superiority complex, the jokey put-downs. Screams of extreme insecurity. Exhausting.”
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Elizabeth Ervin is the owner of Sober Healing, a website that provides information about addiction, recovery, mental wellness, spirituality, and resources to help people succeed in rebuilding their lives. Elizabeth has education and experience with addiction, healing, and spiritual studies. She is passionate about learning, teaching, and loving her neighbor.