13 Examples of Toxic Femininity That Are Hard to Miss

Feminism is at an all-time high these days, but just like ‘toxic positivity’ has become a thing as of late, can femininity do the same? As it turns out, too much of a good thing can be toxic. Here are some of the top examples of toxic feminity in today’s society.

1. Having To Choose Between Family or Career

Despite women having made huge advances in climbing the corporate ladder, we are still shaming those who choose family over a career. Our society continues to look down on women who choose to stay at home to care for their families, not considering the value that this provides for many families. Perhaps even more disappointing is that in many cases, if the decision to stay home is temporary while their children are young, it negatively impacts them when they try to re-enter the workforce.

2. Mothers Shaming Women Without Children

Some mothers tell women without kids that their lives are meaningless and they can’t understand true love until they’ve had a child. This can be especially difficult to hear if you are someone who wanted to be a mother but couldn’t. And for women who have consciously decided to be child-free, their life choices are completely invalidated by those types of mothers. In reality, we all deserve to enjoy the life we have built without judgment – we get enough of that from men, we don’t need to impose more of it on each other.

3. Shaming C-Section Moms

It’s incredibly sad when you see and hear the negative stigma that is associated with c-sections. Some moms shame others and say that they didn’t actually give birth because their baby was born via surgery. They wear their natural birth like a badge of honor, viewing c-sections as an invalid way of giving birth. This is so unfortunate when you consider that many moms and babies would die without c-sections and that being cut open on a table is far from the “easy way out”.

4. Seeing Women as Competition and Tearing Them Down

Women are incredibly prone to jealousy, and often this can lead to putting other women down so we seem superior. Comparisons made between women can do so much damage, leading to poor self-esteem and only fueling the issue more. We end up with uncontrollable envy that can lead us to talk poorly about people the minute we feel threatened by what they have that we don’t.

5. Formula Shaming

Most mothers dream of the day they can breastfeed their child because of the special bond it creates between mother and child. Unfortunately, some women are unable to breastfeed and have to supplement with formula. You would think that this would be generally accepted in today’s society, but instead many women are made to feel like a failure for not being able to feed their child. But in reality, FED is best. How you accomplish that shouldn’t matter; do what works for you and your family, and ignore everyone else.

6. Denying Women Can Be the Abusers

In today’s society, abuse is talked about so much more than it ever was in the past. This is a great advancement but has come at a cost, as many people think women cannot be perpetrators of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and rape. The reality is that female abusers do exist, and sadly, they have mastered the victim card and gaslighting. In fact, these are their primary defenses when challenged on their abusive behavior.

7. Using Traditional Roles for Convenience

Some women only want to follow traditional values when it benefits them. For example, they believe that men and women should equally share the cooking and cleaning duties. Conversely, when it comes to taking out the trash and yard work, those jobs should be reserved exclusively for men. Even some stay at home moms who are supported entirely by their husbands still expect their partners to contribute to household duties.

8. That Single Women Should Be Sad

Some people believe that all single women should be sad, and that women only find their true sense of purpose once they are in a meaningful, loving relationship. But this is the 21st century, and many women are happily single, succeeding in their careers, have fulfilling friendships, and are living their best lives. Besides, if you can’t be happy on your own, then how can you expect to be happy in a relationship? Too many relationships explode because one or both of the partners expect the other to be the sole source of their happiness, which is unrealistic and leads to major issues.

9. Equality for Who Benefits Most

Some women only want to be treated equally in certain situations, when they benefit most from it. But we can’t pick and choose like that; we should all be treated equally all the time, in every aspect. As women, we are still working to close gender gaps and when we don’t apply equality across the board, it undermines any attempts to close those gaps.

10. Throwing Women Under the Bus for a Man

Some women are so quick to throw other women under the bus for a man. The worst ones are the ‘pick me’ women who prioritize being chosen by men over gender equality and women empowerment. It seems that no matter how far we’ve come, to some degree, male validation still rules the female world.

11. Anything Multi-Level-Marketing (MLM)

When someone mentions an MLM, most people immediately cringe. But some women have taken it to a whole other level. They use superficial compliments to try and convince people to buy their products, like “You’re so pretty, but you’d be even prettier if you used my product for blah blah blah.” People feel it’s shady and a terrible sales strategy. Top it off with the fact that the products they’re selling are often overpriced and don’t work, and it’s a recipe for disaster. Most people avoid MLMs at all costs. 

12. Mom Groups for Medical Advice

Social media has become a great tool for connecting people with similar interests, but in some cases, it’s gone too far. Mom groups are just one example. Take one look inside, and you’ll see members supporting weird things like chiropractors and essential oils, along with lots of the ‘you got this mama’ camaraderie. There’s nothing wrong with asking other moms for advice or support, but there should be a line drawn when it comes to medical advice—that’s why we have doctors.

13. Judging Women for Not Being Their Standard of Heels and Makeup

There is still an overwhelming amount of judgment towards women for how they dress and present themselves in public. Society continues to hold women to impossible standards, for example, insisting that women need to wear heels to be considered professional or classy. Makeup is another can of worms; people think that women who don’t wear makeup don’t care about how they look. And don’t forget the women who shame others for liking makeup and heels – they’re just as toxic. It seems there’s no real way to win these days.

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