A Reddit user shares her story of expecting her husband to give her some of his sick days so that she can take the day off.
A Daily Struggle
The original poster (OP) explains that she is a stay-at-home mom to four children. She homeschools them and has since they were old enough for schooling. She also has several chronic illnesses. She said that she generally functions okay. She said she’s tired all the time, but she manages to keep the house reasonably clean, and she cooks every meal from scratch because of food sensitivities. She also says that her children almost always test above grade level.
OP said her husband is a salesman and makes a decent income. She said he is a great dad and husband and always helps when he gets home. He receives 12 sick days a year on top of his vacation time. The hours don’t roll over if he doesn’t use them. He uses maybe one or two every year.
OP told her husband that if she had a full-time job, she would also get sick days. She said she deals with her symptoms well on most days but that on other days she deals with fainting spells, low blood pressure, and dizziness to the point that she can barely walk. On other days she is in pain from her Crohn’s disease.
She told her husband she wants to reserve six of his sick days for those kinds of days. Her husband said no that she functions just fine. She said either he could give her the emergency days or she will hire a sitter for those days. He says she is being unreasonable and can just sit the kids in front of the TV when she has bad days.
The Masses Weigh in
The Reddit community could see both sides of the story in this situation.
One user said:
“This is kind of a back and forth here, so…
It’s not unreasonable to want sick days. Your job is a school teacher and mom. As the person NOT staying home with multiple children every day (your husband) doesn’t understand what it’s like. Raising 1 child at a time can be difficult at times. NTA (not the as*hole)
It IS unreasonable to demand him to take more days off just so you can have them. Some jobs view more than a day or two off a year as “not a good worker.” It’s completely possible he’s afraid it could negatively impact his job security (whether it’s true or not doesn’t even matter, it could be an anxiety issue there)
HOWEVER … if he isn’t willing to take those days off, it should 100% be transferred to a babysitter position when needed. Marriage is about compromise sometimes. He doesn’t want to, you can find another way to make it happen. Problem solved.”
Another user disagreed with the second point, saying, “I disagree with your 2nd point. Is is NOT unreasonable for her to use his sick days if the employer is giving him a set amount a year and he uses barely any. They are meant to be used and if his wife is sick he should be able to take the day to care for the kids. If the kid is sick he should be able to use an allocated sick day from his job to care for the child. They are a FAMILY.”
Another user pointed out the risk of leaving OP alone with the kids on a bad day. “NTA at all. ‘Neglect our kids when you are sick’ is NOT a plan when there’s another (extremely reasonable) option. You cannot leave 3yo and an 18mo children in front of a TV for hours. And if you injured yourself trying to push through? Who would call 911? Who would take care of the kids all day while you recover?”
Was OP’s request unreasonable? Should her husband use some of his sick days to help her when she is in pain? How would you have reacted in this situation?
Claire started Femme on FIRE after struggling with the debt cycle and realizing that she had to create better habits to get out of it. She became inspired along this journey and now strives to help others achieve financial freedom as well. When she isn’t working on her blog, you can find her on the couch with a good book, cooking up recipes in the kitchen, or playing outside with her ducks.