Mom and daughter looking upset with one another

A stepmom and her wife are both educators who carefully budget every dollar to get by. Their 21-year-old stepdaughter moved out last December and now owes them nearly $2,000 for her share of health insurance she’s never paid.

With her birthday a month away, the stepdaughter is texting to ask for an early present. The stepmom thinks forgiving the debt should count as the gift, but her wife feels guilty about giving nothing else.

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Two Educators on a Tight Budget

The couple doesn’t earn much as educators. They plan their spending closely and rarely buy anything that isn’t a necessity.

Eating out, trips, and extras are rare in their home. Even so, they’ve worked hard to build a happy life for their family.

A Stepdaughter Who Moved Out

They have two kids in the household picture, an 11-year-old son who lives with them and a 21-year-old daughter who moved out last December. The couple advised her against leaving because she had no savings and a history of missing bills.

They worried she wasn’t ready financially. She often spent money on takeout, clothes, and makeup instead of essentials.

A $3,500 Refund Gone in a Week

During her one semester of college, she received a $3,500 refund from a scholarship meant for low-income students. She spent all of it within a week.

She later failed out by not turning in assignments and decided to leave school. Family members on all sides had already been giving her money for bills, gas, and car repairs.

Bills Left Unpaid at Home

While living at home with a full-time job, she was only expected to cover her food, car insurance, gas, and phone bill. She was listed on the couple’s accounts and was supposed to pay them back each month, but she rarely did.

The couple covered everything else. Meanwhile, she spent money on trips and outings with friends while they lived paycheck to paycheck.

Before she moved, they told her she’d need to take her bills into her own name. It took months, and only after her phone broke and they refused to replace it, for her to take over most of them.

$180 a Month for Health Insurance

She stayed on the couple’s health insurance, which costs about $180 a month. They asked her to pay just over half of that amount.

She hasn’t paid anything since moving out. For a household already stretched thin, covering that extra cost every month has added up quickly.

$2,000 in Unpaid Debt

So far, she owes more than $1,700. By the time she can move to her own plan during open enrollment, the total will reach about $2,000.

That amount would be even higher if the stepmom’s parents hadn’t given the couple money to pay down some of the debt as a holiday gift. They did it mostly out of concern for the couple’s finances.

The stepdaughter rarely responds to her mother’s texts, almost never visits, and barely talks to her younger brother. The couple mostly hears from her when she needs something.

A Request for an Early Birthday Gift

Now she’s asking for an early birthday present. Her birthday is coming up next month.

The stepmom thinks the fairest choice is to forgive the debt and treat that as her gift, maybe adding a Christmas stocking. She points out that forgiving $2,000 is far more than the couple will spend on their son’s Christmas presents.

Forgiveness as the Gift

Her wife feels guilty about not buying a birthday present. She doesn’t want her daughter to feel forgotten.

The stepmom believes forgiving the debt is more than generous, especially given how their stepdaughter has treated them. She’s left wondering whether that makes her too harsh, or whether it’s finally time to stop rewarding someone who keeps leaving her family to pay the bills.

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