Young woman holding her head yelling in frustration

A user on a popular online forum is asking people to weigh in on whether or not she owes her friend an apology for snapping at her and hurting her feelings. Here’s what happened.

The Program

The original poster (OP) explains that she is disabled and lives on a pension. Her friend is also disabled and living on her pension. The area they live in offers a program that helps disabled people.  

The program helps fund things like transportation, physiotherapy, and social activities for those who are disabled. However, the OP reveals that she doesn’t qualify for the program because she is not a citizen. She explains, “I migrated as a toddler and applied for citizenship at 18 but was denied because of my health status.” But while she doesn’t qualify for the program, her friend does. 

Different Life Circumstances

The OP mentions that she lives alone, not by choice. However, her friend still lives with her parents and doesn’t pay for her living expenses. The OP states that they both receive roughly the same amount for pension, regardless of their living circumstances.

An Invitation

The OP said her friend recently invited her to an escape room, but she declined since she couldn’t afford to go. Her friend tried to sympathize with her, saying it was OK because she knew how hard being poor was. Her friend continued saying that she had spent over $100 on plushies and couldn’t afford to do the activities she wanted to until she got paid again.

The OP explains that the friend says things like this a lot, and usually, she lets it slide. However, this comment got to her, and the OP told her friend to stop saying she was poor. The OP added, “Until the food bank employees know you by name, you can’t say you’re poor.”

The OP’s friend is now upset with her and wants her to apologize for being so rude.

Online Support

One user shared support by saying, “I get it. She is better off financially than you, yet she keeps complaining about being poor. She takes many things for granted, like her home and the food – all that she considers basic and standard, while you have to pay for each of those things – even the most basic stuff. She doesn’t get it.”

They continued to say how mature the OP was because she didn’t want a small fight to ruin a good relationship. However, she should stop letting her friend’s words affect her so much.

The Flipside

On the other hand, some people felt she was in the wrong. They felt the OP was gatekeeping ‘being poor’ because her friend isn’t as poor as she is. They continued, “She empathized; she was relating with your circumstances and normalizing your predicament. Assuming she’s an average person, she was doing that to alleviate any shame you may have associated with being poor and to extend comfort by letting you know she can relate.”

The Verdict

The user’s views were split among the verdicts. Many people sympathize with the OP because her friend spent a lot of money on unnecessary purchases, whereas the OP struggles to provide for herself. Others felt that the OP was being a bit sensitive because even though her friend had a bit more money than her, she would still be considered poor. Also, the fact that her friend was trying to sympathize with her as best she could, and the OP lost it on her.

Who’s viewpoint resonates most with you? Do you think the OP owes her friend an apology?

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