Woman looking shocked and angry and holding her head

When in a relationship, celebrating your anniversary with your partner is customary. Having to cancel such a meaningful celebration can sometimes ruin the special occasion. One man did exactly that and asked for feedback on a popular online forum. He wants to know if he is the a**hole for canceling his anniversary dinner with his wife.

Leading Up To the Dinner

Sad woman sitting alone at dinner
Image Credit: Nicoleta Ionescu via Shutterstock.

The OP (original poster) starts by giving some background information leading up to the planned dinner. He explains that he is naturally a very quiet person, whereas his wife is the opposite.

He mentions that his wife’s friend recently had gotten into a relationship with a man named Bob, who she describes as having a lot of similarities to her husband. He says his wife began to compare them in a not-so-nice manner. He said, “She says things like how he dresses better than me, is in better shape than I am, and how he’s more well-spoken than I am.”

The night before their anniversary dinner, he says overhears his wife talking on the phone with her friends. He hears her say to them that she has “settled” and that he is a “3 out of 10”. This is when he says his feelings were hurt, adding,” I will admit, I was very angry at this comment and told my wife that her comments were unwarranted, and it was embarrassing that she was telling people that’s what she thought of me (even as a joke).” He says she tried to play it off as if she is trying to make her friends feel better about their relationships.

He decided to cancel their anniversary dinner because of the jokes his wife made about him and wants to know if that makes him the as*hole.

In Agreement

Couple sitting on couch arguing
Image Credit: Stockbakery via Shutterstock.

The majority of the feedback sides with the OP, and doesn’t believe he ITA (is the as*hole) for how he handled the situation.

One person commented, “Sounds like she should date Bob since I assume he’s at least a 5/10. Then maybe go find someone who doesn’t rate you like a middle-schooler. NTA.”

Another person weighed in, “NTA. She is your spouse; she is supposed to support you, not constantly tear you down. If you were doing this to her, you can bet she would have flown into a rage, cried, and her self-esteem would be in tatters. Matter of fact, if she told her friends you constantly belittled and made fun of her, they would call you abusive. It is not funny or a joke, and she needs to understand that.”

A lot of other commenters mentioned similar points of her not being supportive and being in the wrong for insulting him. Others mentioned how jokes are just disguised truths.

One commenter said, “Behind every joke is a kernel of truth. Constant putdowns that are passed off as jokes are a form of covert insulting. I do think there is some sort of disappointment in your wife’s life, and she is taking it out on you. I suggest marriage counseling for you both. In the meantime, do not get her pregnant. NTA.”

Another commenter agreed and said, “Agree. In my family, we call this joking on the square. Meaning it’s floated out as a joke but follows the square form back to being a truth.”

Was the original poster wrong for canceling their anniversary date over her comments? Should he have just talked it out? Or did he make the right decision by showing her he was hurt? What would you have done?

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Inspired by this thread – photos for illustrative purposes only.

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