Everyone wants to feel appreciated on their birthday, and one way that people show their appreciation is through thoughtful and personal gifts. When one woman thinks her boyfriend’s gift is disappointing, she tells him so. But she is left questioning if what she said was too harsh and ungrateful.
So, she asks on a popular online forum, is she the a**hole for speaking up about the birthday gift her boyfriend gave her?
The Gift
The OP (original poster) first lays out how important birthdays are to her. She expresses how much it means to her to feel loved on her birthday and how much she likes celebrating other people’s birthdays as well.
“I really, really love birthdays. I always have. I love having cake, opening presents, feeling loved by my people, all of that birthday jazz. I really love celebrating other people’s birthdays, too,” says the OP.
The OP explains how she enjoys putting effort into the events when she is the one giving. However, the OP emphasizes that by effort, she does not mean money. She states, “I take a lot of time and energy (NOT necessarily money) to find great gifts for people.”
This year, when the OP’s birthday rolls around, she is especially excited. Due to tighter finances and a busy schedule, the OP is naturally more stressed than usual, so a day to feel appreciated and carefree is welcome.
When her birthday arrives, the OP finds things don’t go how she would have liked. She says, “I understand that money is tight and that life happens quickly, but I was disappointed with my birthday gift this year.”
The OP continues, “He got me flowers, which was really sweet. However, that’s all I got. When I asked if he had more for me downstairs, he smiled and said no. His reasoning was that he didn’t have as much money this year as he had before and that he couldn’t figure out what to get me.”
The casualness of the gift takes the OP by surprise and hurts her feelings. She shares, “My response was that if he was at Kroger to buy me flowers, I couldn’t believe he didn’t see something there that reminded him of me, or he could’ve bought my favorite candy. Just SOMETHING.”
The OP adds, “I was upset about the lack of effort, not the lack of monetary value.” At the end of it, no one seems to be very happy. The OP explains, “He hasn’t been acting the same since and has been kind of ignoring me, so I’ve been wondering if what I said made me an a**hole.”
Varied Responses
The reactions from users of the forum the OP posted her question to were varied. However, the majority seemed to be on the OPs side, voting NTA (not the a**hole).
One comment says, “NTA because I really think you don’t care about the money but the thought. I would try to hash this out and explain what parts mean a lot to you. It’s the thoughtfulness, not the money.”
Sharing similar thoughts, a second person adds, “NTA. Honestly, flowers are okay, but he could have easily written you a love letter or done something for you that doesn’t cost money or something.”
“NTA, it’s not about spending money. It’s about putting some effort in. Take her somewhere that has an amazing view to give her the flowers,” a third comment suggests.
Some disagreed, though. One person says, “YTA (you’re the a**hole). By the way you tell the story, he gave you the flowers, and instead of saying thank you, you asked if there was more and then complained.”
“YTA. What you said was objectively rude and extremely ungrateful. You’re not entitled to gifts. Not everyone enjoys giving gifts, and not everyone is good at it either – if you want something specific, you should let it be known. Otherwise, just be thankful for what you have,” agrees a second user.
What do you think? Is the OP being spoiled by wanting more than flowers on her birthday? Or was her boyfriend lazy with his efforts? How would you handle being in this situation?
This article was inspired by this thread and does not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Cents + Purpose.
