Woman and man seeming to argue

Having a child together is a huge commitment, regardless of the relationship status. But when a new person enters the scene, it can complicate matters further. A man took to a popular online forum to share his story about recent dealings with the mother of his child and get feedback on his refusal to pay her child support. Here’s what happened…

The Payment

The OP (original poster) begins by explaining some essential background information. He says how thirteen years ago, his now ex-girlfriend became pregnant unexpectedly, and the couple was not of the same mind when it came to how to proceed now that a child was on the way.

“Although she told me she just wanted to be friends, I was ready to be a father,” says the OP. Before the two of them were able to reach an agreement, the OP’s ex met someone else, which puts an end to his hope of fatherhood.

The OP explains, “She met someone else who didn’t want me around, so they asked me to cancel my paternal rights.” This news is undoubtedly disappointing for the OP, who has expressed his readiness to raise a child and be part of their life.

Feeling conflicted over whether to follow his ex’s request, the OP says, “At the time, I was torn because I wanted to be there for my child, but I also felt that if they didn’t want me around, it was best to waive my rights.”

After spending some time struggling to choose what to do, the OP finally makes a decision. “After fighting for a while, I eventually gave up because it was clear that they didn’t want me there,” says the OP.

Having given up his parental rights as asked, the OP should have remained uninvolved in the care and raising of his child. And for a time, it seemed he was. Eventually, though, his ex comes to him with a dilemma and a new request.

The OP explains, “Fast forward 13 years later, and my ex and her partner are going through some stuff, and they want me to pay child support.”

The OP does not need to pay child support, as the court has stated. “The court had already ruled that since I waived my paternal rights, I am not legally obliged to pay child support,” says the OP.

That does nothing to settle the OP’s ex, who he says is angry with him, even though he is not required to pay. “Despite this, my ex is calling me a bastard and a deadbeat, and she’s even calling my family and getting them involved,” adds the OP.

Feeling unsure if he is actually in the wrong for choosing not to pay the child support as his ex has asked, the OP takes to a popular online forum to help settle the matter. He asked, is he the a**hole for not paying any child support?

Full Support

Looking at the comments on the OP’s reveals only overwhelming support and agreement with his decision not to pay. One comment says, “NTA (not the a**hole). Tell them your financial obligations ended after you waived your parental rights at their request.”

A second user states, “NTA. So they only want you to be a dad when it’s convenient for them? But yet they kicked you out of your child’s life. Block them and get your family to block them.”

“NTA. They didn’t want you to be a dad, so you aren’t a dad. They’re only regretting their decision now because they need money,” agrees another person.

The comment continues, “If you consider helping out financially, you need to insist that you also be allowed to have a relationship with your kid with no secrets about why you haven’t been around.”

A fourth and final commenter had this to say, “They both demanded that you waive all parental rights, and the court terminated all such obligations.”

The comment goes on, “Your ex should not be harassing you for cash 13 years later because she wants to spend your money or to have the option of using you & your relatives as their free babysitters. If there are any further contact attempts or insults directed at you, file police reports.”

What do you think? Is the OP in the wrong for not paying child support? Or is he obligated to pay because of being the father? How would you handle being in a similar situation?

This article was inspired by this thread and does not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Cents + Purpose.

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