Angry woman yelling at her cell phone

A woman asks a popular online forum to weigh in on whether or not she’s the a**hole for responding to his coworker from her husband’s phone. 

The Messages

Woman looking annoyed while she's talking on her phone
Image Credit: HBRH via Shutterstock.

The original poster (OP) first provides some background to the situation. She and her husband have been together for nine years, and married for around five months. OP explains that her husband works at a small job helping to care for animals, with only 5-6 total employees. One of his coworkers had been flirting and making advances for almost a year. 

“She had gotten a little bit better since we got married, but not very much,” commented the OP. 

Then OP noticed that the coworker was sending her husband messages via Snapchat, many of which featured pictures of the woman in boxers and a revealing sports top. The OP adds that his coworker claims the attire is just what she sleeps in.

Either way, the photos didn’t sit well with OP, though she chose to leave it be for a time. “As much as I didn’t like it,” The OP says, “I let it go because my husband doesn’t respond to anything weird and really only responds to work-related issues.” 

For a while, it doesn’t escalate, and OP is okay to let it go. The OP goes on to express the openness between her and her husband. How he wasn’t hiding the messages, letting her read the texts and look at snaps all the time. The OP states, “We both have nothing to hide from each other, and he definitely isn’t “hiding” her.” 

One morning though, OP goes on her husband’s Snapchat to find the latest photo is a step too far. While his coworker is still wearing the same outfit as the other pictures, the OP says this time, the woman is posed lifting her shorts to show more leg. “I was not cool with this at all,” OP states. 

Wanting to put an end to this behavior, the OP responds to the picture. OP explains that she messaged the coworker from their husband’s phone, saying, “Hey, I’m married. You have got to stop sending me those types of pictures.” The coworker responds by saying that she sent the photo to many people, not just OP’s husband, and that it was a joke. 

When the OP tells her husband what happened, he is not happy. He responds, calling OP an a**hole and telling her that this will interfere with his work. He goes on to tell OP that his coworker will be difficult and make his work harder. OP says he told her that his coworker will give him “grunt work that no one else wants to do.” And that he’ll have to do it alone. 

“That’s got to be against some sort of HR policy,” the OP says. Overall, OP says she doesn’t feel what she did was wrong and that she was setting a boundary her husband was afraid to set himself. The OP adds though, that she understands where her husband is coming from, not wanting to make his work awkward.

The Feedback

Woman and man seeming to argue
Image Credit: fizkes via Shutterstock.

Taking to the comments, the majority of people weighing in seem to support the OP and vote her NTA (not the a**hole).

One commenter said of the issue, “OP’s husband needs to block the woman on Snapchat. Your coworkers don’t need to be that enmeshed in your private life unless you’re the greatest of friends outside of work.”

Another person shared similar thoughts saying simply, “There is no work-related reason to have each other on Snapchat.” 

Many of the comments echoed similar sentiments toward how the coworker makes her husband’s work difficult. One person suggested, “If he’s not comfortable with this, he needs to, at minimum, block her. But he should address this with his boss”. 

One user chimed in, “If my husband was experiencing this level of harassment and retaliation from a female coworker, I’d be willing to take the blame for the blocking.”

Others disagreed with the way OP went about things by responding as her husband. One person stated, “You still don’t text her pretending to be him. If she said, “Hi, this is the wife. I’m not comfortable with you sending this to my husband,” I’d prefer that than pretending to be him”

Another comment agreed, “I’m on board with everything else, but pretending to be him texting her is wrong.” 

Should OP have ignored the texts? Is OP’s husband justified in being upset? What would you have done in this situation? 

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Inspired by this thread – photos for illustrative purposes only.

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