When it comes to weddings and wedding planning, we often hear about the stress and anxiety of those holding the event. But for some, even attending a wedding as a guest can be a challenge.
When one woman doesn’t want to attend her parent’s wedding due to her weight, she finds that the decision causes more tension than she thought. So she asks on a popular online forum, is she the a**hole for telling her parents she won’t attend their wedding because of her weight?
The Wedding Invite
The OP (original poster) begins by providing background information and details about herself and the situation. She says, “Just for some context, I am 412lbs and 5’2. I’ve always been big, and I’ve always been an overeater. But when I left for college, I had a lot of money, and my parents weren’t there to stop me. As you can guess, I gained a lot of weight.”
The problem arises when the OP finds out that her parents have decided to get married officially. Initially, the OP is happy for her parents, and she agrees readily to attend the wedding to be there with them for the joyous occasion.
As the event draws closer, though, the OP begins to have doubts about her decision. “My parents are getting married in July. I was invited to come at the beginning of the year, and I accepted, but recently I have been having second thoughts,” states the OP.
“This isn’t because I don’t love them or anything like that, because they’re lovely people and the best parents I could ever ask for, but honestly, I’m not going because of my weight,” the OP says.
She goes on to express why the thought of attending the wedding gives her so much anxiety. “It’s going to be full of family and friends who I haven’t seen in years, so it will make my weight gain extra embarrassing and noticeable,” shares the OP.
“I don’t want to be at an event where a lot of people will see me even though the focus isn’t on me. I only leave my apartment when I really have to, so going to a huge event seems overwhelming,” she says.
Having concluded that going to the wedding wasn’t something she could handle, the OP informs her parents of her decision. “I went and visited their house, and I told them about it, and I said I’m really sorry,” the OP states.
The reaction from her parents could be better for the OP. She explains, “They were shocked, and my dad looked upset and stepped outside because he said he didn’t want to be part of this conversation anymore. My mom got angry and told me that I was betraying them.”
“I know this stuff that she’s saying is just out of anger, but I feel so awful about it. I’ve tried to call her this morning, and she won’t respond, and neither will my dad,” the OP finishes.
No Official Verdict
The commenter’s reactions to the forum on which the OP posted her story were incredibly varied. While no “official” verdict was reached, one thing most comments had in common was sympathy and support for the OP.
Some people voted NTA (not the a**hole) in full support of the OP. One person says, “Your folks lack compassion. I’m so sorry. NTA.”
“NTA because you’re dealing with a lot and need mental and medical help. Your parents should be more concerned about your valid reason for why you don’t want to be there vs. being upset you won’t come,” a second user adds.
Others were of the mind that all the people involved were at fault. “ESH (everyone sucks here). Your mother was particularly cruel, and it was unnecessary. But you are also hurting them by not showing up on the big day,” one person states.
Another person adds. “This day is not about you. It’s about them. And they want you there to celebrate them. So NAH (no a**holes here), but change your mind and go to celebrate them.”
While they vote differently, a second user shares a similar perspective saying, “YTA (you’re the a**hole). Your insecurity about your weight is valid, but do you genuinely want to miss out on important life events for the people you care about because of it?”
What do you think? Is it selfish of the OP not to attend her parent’s wedding? Or are her parents being too harsh in their response? What would you do if you were in the OP’s place?
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Source: Reddit – photos for illustrative purposes only.