Angry young woman screaming at a phone

We all want to be supportive of our partners, and sometimes the smallest gestures can mean the most to our loved ones. When one man finds a request from his wife to be something he’s not comfortable with, he is left wondering, is he the a**hole for not carrying his wife’s purse? He asks a popular online forum to help him decide.

The Purse

Young woman carrying large tote looking back
Image Credit: MJTH via Shutterstock.

The OP first explains how he is a remote worker, and his wife is partly remote but goes into the office 2-3 days a week. On those days, the OP explains that he accompanies his wife on the walk to work.

The OP says, “On days where she commutes in the morning, I wake up early with her, make us French press coffee while she gets ready, and I walk her to the ferry, which is approximately a 5-minute walk, and then approximately a 5-10 minute wait for the ferry onboarding.”

On these excursions out with his partner, the OP encounters an issue. The OP says how his wife keeps requesting the same thing each time. He says, “On our walks, she insists that I carry her purse, saying that her bag is heavy, that she has to carry it all day, and that if I carry it on the walk, it would mean a lot to her.”

The OP, however, doesn’t feel comfortable carrying his wife’s bag. “I told her that she was putting me in an awkward situation where I would need to either a) carry her purse, which I would prefer not to do, or b) have an argument first thing in the morning because I refused to carry her purse,” the OP states.

“Maybe I am just stubborn, but to me, carrying my wife’s purse and then standing in line with all of the commuters waiting to board the ferry as I hold my wife’s purse for her commute to work is a bit emasculating and humiliating,” the OP adds.

The OP’s reasons for not wanting to carry the bag don’t satisfy his wife. He shares her response, saying, “She, on the other hand, thinks that it would be a nice gesture. The fact that I find it embarrassing is irritating to her because I should a) care more about what she thinks than what other people think and b) be comfortable enough in my own skin not to feel emasculated or humiliated.”

Having reached a stand-still on the issue, the OP takes to a popular online forum to help him decide; is he the a**hole for not wanting to carry his wife’s purse?

They’re Both Being Ridiculous

Young woman on phone, holding coffee and a purse
Image Credit: SunKids via Shutterstock.

Looking at the comments, we find that the majority of people didn’t pick a side at all. Most users voted ESH(everyone sucks here) on the OP’s post.

One commenter says, “ESH – You are both being ridiculous. I highly doubt that she actually has to carry her purse all day, nobody does that. But feeling emasculated by a purse is also absurd.”

Another user agrees, saying, “ESH. She should just carry her own purse and not put it on you, but you’re being weird about carrying a bag. Grow up and stop being so insecure about your own masculinity. It’s just a bag used to hold stuff.”

Others were more sympathetic toward the OP one person commented, “I think OP is NTA (not the a**hole). I think his wife is a bit ridiculous for lugging around a bag she can’t handle.”

Sharing similar thoughts, another person says, “NTA. Asking you to carry it every day is ridiculous. If she can’t carry her purse, she should find an independent solution.”

There were also a fair few comments that felt the OP was simply unreasonable in feeling that way about a bag. One person says, “YTA (you’re the a**hole). Ask yourself -is your masculinity so fragile that it will get broken by a purse?

If so, go see a therapist. If you are standing with your wife, everybody will realize it is hers, and you are doing her a kindness by holding it for her.”

“YTA and incredibly immature if you feel emasculated by holding your wife’s purse. It is a small gesture to help your wife out, but you’re too worried about what strangers will think,” another person adds.

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Inspired by this thread – photos for illustrative purposes only.

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