Parents don’t always see eye-to-eye regarding specific allowances for their children. These disagreements can be even more prominent in a split custody situation. When one man encounters a problem after rewarding his daughter for good grades, he asks a popular online forum; am I the a**hole for buying my daughter a PS5?
The OP (original poster) begins by explaining that he and his ex have a 14-year-old daughter together, and they have 50/50 split custody between them. The OP also says that his ex has two children from other relationships, a 16-year-old boy and an eleven-year-old girl.
The OP continues by telling how his daughter loves video games. And for some time, she has been begging him and her mom for a PS5. He then reveals that he did, in fact, buy her the console but was waiting to give it to his daughter.
“I bought one for her a few weeks ago, but I didn’t give it to her right away. I decided to wait until after an important and difficult exam that she had and give it to her as a prize for getting an A+ in that exam (which I knew she would),” The OP says.
One day, the OP receives a call from his ex. She asks him not to buy the device for their daughter, claiming that she has been bragging and making her half-siblings jealous.
“A few days ago, my ex called me and asked me not to buy a ps5 for my daughter as apparently she has been gloating at her siblings and making them jealous because their parents are financially struggling and they can’t have as many privileges as my daughter,” states the OP.
He goes on to say, “My ex gave me a long lecture about how she doesn’t deserve another privilege because of her behavior. I told her I would consider it, but I didn’t promise anything.”
The OP’s daughter does, in fact, receive the A+ that he anticipated. In addition to that, the OP says that she was the only kid in her grade to get such high marks.
“She got her exam results in a couple of days ago, and not only she got an A+, but she was also the only A+ in her grade. I was extremely proud and decided that she deserves getting her new PS5 and gave it to her,” says the OP.
The problem arises when the OP’s ex calls him again. This time she is very upset and demands to know why he bought the console for their daughter despite her wishes. The OP says, “I took her to her mom’s home, and a few minutes after I left, my ex called screaming at me, asking me why I did it when she specifically asked me not to do it. She thinks I’m a huge a**hole for doing this.”
Un-convinced that he’s done something wrong, the OP remarks, “I think as her dad, I should be able to decide what my daughter does, or does not, deserve, and my ex doesn’t have the right to tell me what to do.”
Still, the OP is open to the idea that he might need to adjust his thinking here. So he asks the internet, is he the a**hole for buying his daughter a PS5 despite his ex’s request?
The reactions from users on the popular forum the OP posted the question to were a mixed bag. Some were in complete agreement with the OP. One person says, “NTA (not the a**hole). Your ex’s situation is not yours or your daughter’s to manage.”
Another commenter adds, “NTA. What you buy for your daughter is quite literally none of your ex’s business. If your ex can’t manage your daughter’s behavior when she’s at her home, then that’s on her.”
Other people thought more information was needed. One person commented, “There’s a huge difference in this story depending on how the daughter has been acting. There’s a way in which the daughter has done nothing wrong and is just excited, and there’s a way in which the daughter has been egging on the other kids.”
Some disagreed strongly with the OP’s way of handling things. “YTA (you’re the a**hole). Although you are separated, you can still parent your child together. You could’ve at least given a heads-up to your ex. And talked to your daughter FIRST about the concerns,” states one user.
“YTA. You taught your daughter good grades and money are more important than being a good, decent person. It was a d**n exam, and there’s no exam so important for a teenager that deserves a PS5,” agreed another.
What do you think? Was the OP the a**hole in this case? What would you do if faced with a similar situation?
More From Cents + Purpose
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Inspired by this thread – photos for illustrative purposes only.