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A man posted in the AITA (am I the as*hole) subreddit looking for feedback on whether he would be the as*hole for thinking his wife needs to do more around the house than just take care of their baby.

Before Baby

Pregnant woman and man arguing
Image Credit: via Shutterstock.

The OP (original poster) gave more context, adding that he and his wife are in their mid-thirties and used to split the housework prior to becoming parents and would also share in the care of their dogs.

He continued that after his wife became pregnant more of the household responsibilities began to fall on him, which he was fine with as it was no longer as easy for her to move around, and he didn’t want her exposed to the cleaning chemicals, yet they still walked the dogs together.

After Baby

Young women cuddling her newborn who is laying on a bed
Image Credit: Prostock-studio via Shutterstock.

He added that he works from home four out of five days per week and puts in eight to nine-hour work days. He is frustrated because while his wife is on maternity leave, he is still working full-time, and while his mother-in-law was staying with them to help, they are now on their own.

The OP says he helps his wife with the baby as much as he can during his workday and has taken over the majority of responsibilities for the care of the dogs. He is also handling almost all of the cooking, dishes, and preparing the baby’s bottles for the following day each night. He said he also takes on 50% of the baby duties on the weekends, and he is beginning to feel burnt out.

His wife is not nursing the baby, and he thinks she should be doing more around the house than just taking care of the baby.

The Feedback

Man and pregnant women sitting on a cough arguing
Image Credit: Roman Samborskyi via Shutterstock.

Not surprisingly, this thread drew a lot of passionate opinions from Redditors, with most voting that, yes, he was the as*hole in this scenario.

One user said, “I love how he acts like the baby eats, sleeps, and poops, as if the baby never cries, never needs to be held skin to skin for extended periods for comfort. This also insinuates mom is simply a baby vending machine who has no physical or emotional recovery needs after birth. OP – your wife is going through a lot. She’s not on a lazy vacation; she is healing and needs rest and time. At the same time she’s recovering from birth (which most countries outside of the US agree it takes approximately six months), she’s taking care of a demanding new life. Calm down, don’t wait for her to ask you to do things, and be a dad.”

Another adds, “I love him saying he helps his wife with the baby when she needs it. You’re parenting. You are parenting your own child. Bravo. He’s TA, and he’s in for a rude awakening.”

Some people thought he ITA (is the as*hole) simply from the title of his post, “YTA Just for the title.”

This user believes the OP ITA and made some solid points, “It’s the “You’re only taking care of the baby” comments that make this YTA, in my opinion, it’s such a crappy thing to joke about, but he seriously thinks it. It’s just no understanding what her body has gone through and how she is recuperating from major surgery, not to mention carrying the baby for nine months and all that went along with that, then looking after the baby, the feeding, the changing nappies, worrying all day about the baby, what cry is that? It’s the mental side that would be getting her to; she is ALWAYS “on” with the baby!

“I’m not discounting him as a father; he is literally doing a great job, he has taken on extra duties for sure, but my problem is that he thinks he is going so far above and beyond that he can’t believe he is doing so much! He is working, and she is taking care of the baby and recovering from major surgery; in between all of that, they are both doing their bit; when he says he is working full-time, he doesn’t class what she is doing as the same as him, which bothers me. They have both got full-time jobs! Where is the empathy for what her body has gone through as is going through from having this child?

“He is not even trying to understand why she probably can’t seem to fathom the energy to do these chores that he has taken on; it’s the first three months, it’s only been three months of you doing this extra work, and you’re already burnt out? It sucks, but this is life with a newborn. Your Wife is going through some sh*t too, it might not seem like it because you have no idea what her body is going through right now. You coming home and scoffing and joking about how she is lazy and “only takes care of the baby” is a little heartbreaking to hear, and I can imagine she probably doesn’t like it either.

“You’re 100% not a bad guy, but your attitude toward your Wife right now is crappy. When she goes back to work, and you are with the baby the bulk of the time, you will start to appreciate what that was like, and she had to do all that while recovering from major surgery and a body that has changed and was healing, you still get off easier than her! And when she goes back to work full-time and comes home and has to do some chores when she is tired from work, maybe she will understand a little from your side about how tiring that was.

“But I tell you what, if you have a stressful day with the baby, and she comes home and starts joking that all you’ve done is “take care of the baby” then maybe the penny will drop for you, and you might finally understand. I wish both of you good luck; it will get easier as the baby gets older.”

A Twist

Mom with c-section scar with infant baby feet
Image Credit: Seamm via Shutterstock.

Yet, another user commented to add an important detail the OP seemingly forgot to include in his post, “Popping on to add (because he conveniently left this bit out) his wife had a C-section as well! She’s not just dealing with hormones, exhaustion, her changing body, and the mental drain of new motherhood… she’s literally trying to recover from a major operation.”

The fact that his wife is also recovering from a C-section definitely changes things a bit, do you agree? Do you think the OP is right in thinking his wife isn’t pulling her weight around the house?

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